The Single Survival Guide

Valentine's Day is coming! For me it's another year of being single on Valentine's Day! Turn up! I don't want to come across as the bitter (single) betty or someone who doesn't appreciate and value the idea of love. It's actually the complete opposite. I love love, but a love life is not apart of my life. It may not be apart of your lifestyle either. If not, you are in the right place. A survival guide for the singles!

What started as a post on surviving Valentine's Day is now surviving the single life in general. Once we get pass the hearts, teddy bears, and flowers everywhere...then what? What about when the holiday hoopla is over and you're still there with all your singleness. Still feeling that little tinge of loneliness, mixed with doubt, slight fear, and maybe even a little regret. I've been there. I've felt lonely when I wanted to feel companionship. I've felt doubt that I wont find the right relationship or partner. I've felt fear of being single or in meaningless "situationships" forever. I've even felt regret in not staying in relationships that I knew wouldn't work, just for the sake of having someone. If there is anything that I know about, it's being single and the crazy emotions that come with it. The great part is that I've overcome those emotions. I am deliverdt! You can find countless books, blogs, and opinions on how to make a relationship work, but rarely do you see people sharing their knowledge on the single life. Well, boom, bam, kapow! Here I am! A self-proclaimed single life expert, at your service. Let me get you right.

First things first...

Accept and enjoy.

Accept where you are in life. You are single. Say it out loud. Say it with confidence. Say it as though you are talking about one of your greatest accomplishments. Don't fight it, don't hate it, and don't regret it. There is power in acceptance of your situation. Don't spend your time avoiding the reality of where you are right now. I promise, once you begin to accept your single life, you will also begin to enjoy it. 

Appreciate, don't envy.

Being single isn't so bad. until your're surrounded by love, affection, and touchy-feely moments every where you look. I used to think avoidance was the best way to deal with being single. Didn't watch the "Romantic" section on Netflix, didn't follow certain accounts on social media, And didn't have too long of conversations with friends that are in relationships. Avoiding all these scenarios was exhausting. Love is everywhere and meant to be appreciated. You wont need to avoid moments of love if you stop being envious of them and start to appreciate them. Love is too beautiful to not appreciate it. 

Hoeing is not the answer.

Ask your mama, she will tell you. My mama told me. Sometimes every bone in your body will be telling you to bust it wide open for the first fine thing you see. DON'T! As a woman in this day and age it seems popular to juggle as many men as possible; have them taking you out, flying you out the country, making them pieces hit, making them pieces work; all of the above! Trust me, the temptation out there is real, but it comes with a high price and you know it. Single does not mean you need to be slutty. No matter what Amber Rose says. You can survive the single life without putting yourself at risk for an STD.

Backslide and get backhanded.

 Don't you dare run back to that old flame that is beyond burnt out. You may be lonely, horny, and even confused, but you will not be desperate. There was a reason that you entered into the single life. There is a reason that this is where you are right now. There is a reason that that relationship did not work out. Whether you know the reason or not, you wont find it in ol dude/girl pants (hopefully), so stay out of them. It will literally be a slap in the face to all the progress that you have made. Stay strong!

Get busy...living! 

I can't stress enough how important it is to find a hobby, interest, or something that can occupy your time in a healthy way. Start a blog, travel, cook, workout, make a Youtube channel; the possibilities are endless. Find something to immerse yourself in! There are too many unanswered questions out there for you to be stressing over a bae. Where your attention goes, your energy flows.

Don't settle!

Looking around at all your home girls and homeboys in relationships will definitely have you feeling "some type of way". Get over it! DO NOT SETTLE! Don't get into a relationship with ol' boy or ol' girl that's always texting you, hitting you up, and begging to be your significant other if you are truly not feeling them. Forced feelings will do you no good. The wrong relationship is worse than no relationship at all.

Use social media effectively. 

Don't become obsessive  of relationships you see on social media. I have a few couples that I like to "check-in" on every once in a while, whether it's Instagram or YouTube. These couples remind me of the type of love I want to give and receive, but I also keep in mind that I am only seeing the parts of their relationships that they wish to share (usually the good parts), so I don't get fooled into thinking that there is a perfect relationship out there. NO LOVE IS PERFECT! 

P.S.- That includes how you use dating websites.

To yearn for love is completely natural. Don't think you're weak or needy because you want someone. You are supposed to want to give love and receive it in return. You are normal! What is not so normal is allowing that want to over power your own needs. You can't sacrifice you, in order to please a "we". Be single. Enjoy yourself. Prepare yourself for the beautiful love that is coming your way, in its own time. 

Peace and singleness, beautiful people!
xo,BLT