New year, new me? Nah...new year, better version of me. It's not newness that I need.
It's definition. Last year I started a new tradition of choosing three words to define my year. My words were freedom, discipline, and acceptance(read more here). Some days all I needed to do was think of my little trifecta and they helped me handle life in a healthy and more effective way; other days I couldn't remember what they were and resorted to old habits and movements. Working progress, just like every year. Start strong, get shaky, completely stop, but always, always willing to try again the next year. And getting better each time. Here is my retry with three new words.
ABILITY...
CONTROL...It came to me in a dream. I can't remember what the dream was about, but I do remember telling someone about the importance of ability. Being that I teach Special Education, one thing I am always reminding my students is that they are not their disability. You can't define yourself by what you can't do. You are not your weaknesses. This word will remind me of how blessed I am to be able to do anything. I can do anything I set my mind to do. I am able.
I was going back through my purchases on Zara and in one year I have spent a little over $1,500 (including about $300 in returns). That's just one website. And that's terrible. It makes me realize all the areas of my life that I can be more frivolous in and lacking some control. I want to be in better control of the choices I make. I need to be more intentional with making logical decisions in my areas of impulse (shopping, relationships, responses to negativity, etc.) It's important to realize how much control we have over our own lives and well-being. You decide whether you fail or succeed by the choices you make; you decide how you allow life to affect you; and you decide what will have control over you. Why not allow yourself to be in control (besides God of course)? I am in control.
PRESENCE...
On Christmas Day my mother asked me if I missed having a boyfriend at the holidays. We both laughed when I replied that I had never had a boyfriend on any day, so no. Then I thought...I had missed it before, but I didn't now. I told her that I didn't want to rush what wasn't supposed to be for me yet. When I am in a relationship during the holidays then I will appreciate that moment, but right now that's not my moment and this is. And that is okay. I want to be more present in my everyday life. It's easy to get caught up in your plans for the next moment and plans for the future, that I forget to just be thankful and aware of my present happenings. Same for the past; recollecting on old situations, replaying them in your head, obsessing over how you should have handled the situation. No more. Learn back to learn, not to loiter. There is nothing wrong with thinking ahead or remembering your past, but it's equally important to take a moment for the "nows" of life. The goal is to prepare for the future as though it is certain, but be present in the present as if it's my last day. This resolution is not going to be as easy for me because I am always in my "future lalaland", but I am going to make a genuine effort moment to moment, day to day, then eventually month to month to be present in the present. I am present.
Something about this year feels different, so I am excited. Ability, control, and presence. Hello 2017!
Peace and Happy 2017, beautiful people!
xo,
BLT