There have been so many times that I go shopping and see a really cute pair of shoes on sale, but they don't have my size. Typically, if that is the case, you do not purchase the shoe; it just wasn't mean to be. Well, for me, not so much. I opt to get a size smaller than what I actually wear. I've done it so much that I forget what my real shoe size is. It may make my feet hurt, I may walk with a bit of a two step, and I may have to stand a certain way to make my toes not hang over the front, but I got my shoes. I get tons of compliments on them and I am happy...or am I? Honestly, I end up avoiding those shoes every time I go to my closet, just because I know that no matter how cute they look, they are going to cause me so much pain. Basically, I have wasted money on shoes that were supposed to be a bargain for me, all because I forced myself into something that was not meant for me!(My feet NEVER look like that picture though! Just to clarify!)
A lot of the turmoil in our lives comes from doing things that we have no business doing; knowingly making decisions and choices that are not good for us. We force ourselves into situations that God never intended us to be in. Just like I was not supposed to be in those crippling shoes, I have been in situations that I could have avoided. After some thinking, I realized that the majority of the difficult, uncomfortable, or unnecessary situations that I was in came from forcing one or more of what I call the 3 "F's" (four if you include feet). These 3 "F's" are things in life that I believe you should never be force; feelings, friendships, and finances.
Feelings- My first thought for this was to not force romantic feelings for someone that you are not truly interested in; don't lead them on or make yourself commit to a relationship that does not bring you true love, happiness, and growth. Although those types of romantic feelings are important to flow freely, I realized that feelings in general should not be forced. Feelings and emotions control a lot of the decisions that we make daily. Rarely do our feelings lie, unless we allow them to. You could be forcing yourself to be happy with a situation, such as a job, that you do not have a passion for. You could be forcing yourself to like someone or something that you don't. You could be forcing yourself to have feelings that are just not true. I'm not digging that. You have to stay true to who you are and how you feel.
No, I am not saying that if you are depressed you should stay that way and not try to regain your happiness. And no, I am not saying that you should not try to be positive and find the upside of the negative aspects of life. I just believe that when you choose to accept your feelings for what they are and not force them to be something else, that means you won't allow them to control or consume you in an unhealthy way. Deal with them, then move on. You shouldn't make yourself like someone that you really don't. You shouldn't make decisions that you are not pleased with based on feelings that you convinced yourself to have. You shouldn't pretend to be someone that you don't want to be, just to make someone else feel good. Your feelings come first, your true feelings. Never allow temporary, or even worse, forced, emotions lead you into permanent destruction. Realize that you have a lot more control over how you feel than you may think you do.
No, I am not saying that if you are depressed you should stay that way and not try to regain your happiness. And no, I am not saying that you should not try to be positive and find the upside of the negative aspects of life. I just believe that when you choose to accept your feelings for what they are and not force them to be something else, that means you won't allow them to control or consume you in an unhealthy way. Deal with them, then move on. You shouldn't make yourself like someone that you really don't. You shouldn't make decisions that you are not pleased with based on feelings that you convinced yourself to have. You shouldn't pretend to be someone that you don't want to be, just to make someone else feel good. Your feelings come first, your true feelings. Never allow temporary, or even worse, forced, emotions lead you into permanent destruction. Realize that you have a lot more control over how you feel than you may think you do.
Friendships- I believe that really close friends are family members that you choose to have. Friendships are supposed to unite people that can benefit each other. As a friend you need to be loyal, trustworthy, honest, reliable...the list goes on, but you know what a good friend should be. So why force yourself to be in a friendship with someone that doesn't have good friend qualities? You shouldn't force someone to be your friend, be a good friend, or be the type of friend you need, but that is probably for the best! Not all friendships that you want to flourish are supposed to! Some people can look like they are the best friend in the world to have- they dress cute (yes, I have wanted to be a girls friend because she dressed cute), they are fun to party with, they make you look good, this list could go on too, but that doesn't mean they are meant to be your friend. Friendships are serious! This is who I am choosing to confide in, get advice from, encourage, help when they need it (financially, spiritually, physically)- if you are my good friend I will treat you like you are my family! That is why it is important to me not to force friendships. I strongly agree with the quote, "You are the company you keep", so my friends need to be a reflection of who I am and I want to be a reflection of who they are. Be friends with people for true reasons. Not because they tell you what you want to hear or do whatever you say, but because they make you want to be a better you. A bad friendship is no different than a bad relationship and can take you down the same unhealthy and dangerous track of one. I read Isaiah 30: 5 which states, "Everyone will be put to shame because of people useless to them, who bring neither help nor advantage, but only shame and disgrace." To me, that means if you are in bad company, you will become bad company. Or the always applicable scripture of Proverbs 27:17, "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." If the friendship is not making you better, it is not necessary; plain and simple.
Give people a chance to show you who they really are as a friend; don't shut them out without even a try or two, but once they show you their true colors, decide if you are really ready to paint a picture with them. If there is potential in that friendship, help it, but if you get the feeling that it's time to remove yourself, go with it. You'll know the feeling and recognize the signs, trust me! Vibes don't lie. You should still love them, always love them, but do it from afar; it will still reach. If you can't find friends that are worth your friendship remember, you will always have a friend in Jesus!
Give people a chance to show you who they really are as a friend; don't shut them out without even a try or two, but once they show you their true colors, decide if you are really ready to paint a picture with them. If there is potential in that friendship, help it, but if you get the feeling that it's time to remove yourself, go with it. You'll know the feeling and recognize the signs, trust me! Vibes don't lie. You should still love them, always love them, but do it from afar; it will still reach. If you can't find friends that are worth your friendship remember, you will always have a friend in Jesus!
Finances- Have you ever felt that pressure to buy something when you're out with your friends, just because everyone else is buying something too? You don't want to seem like you're too broke to buy that $15 dress or those $50 shoes, so you buy them, even though you know there is something better you could do with that money. I've felt that pressure! I've given in to that pressure! And I've been mad that I allowed the need to appear like I "got it" influence me, instead of staying true to who I am and what my bank account was. It's easy to get caught up in trying to impress others with what we have or prove to others that we can afford to buy certain things. But, what about when you can't afford to put gas in your car or when you have to watch every cent you spend for the rest of the month because of that one unnecessary shopping spree you decided to take? Then what? Trying to live a lifestyle that is out of your financial capabilities will lead you into nothing but DEBT! I don't know about you, but debt is definitely a fear of mine and living beyond my means is a habit I refuse to indulge in.
If you can't afford it, it's not meant for you, right then, but that doesn't mean you will never have it! Whether you get that Michael Kors watch or those new Jordan's or that iPhone 6, it doesn't change who you are as a person. If you are good on the inside, it will show on the outside, with or without those name brand items, with or without that $100,000 home, with or without that luxury car that you can't afford to put gas in. A well dressed pig is still a pig! Now, this doesn't mean you can't treat yourself when you have a little extra or invest in your dreams, but when you're spending money for others approval, that's when you're forcing it. Never determine your worth by how much money you have; money is not everything! And although you are not your bank account, but don't pretend to be someone else's either.
If you can't afford it, it's not meant for you, right then, but that doesn't mean you will never have it! Whether you get that Michael Kors watch or those new Jordan's or that iPhone 6, it doesn't change who you are as a person. If you are good on the inside, it will show on the outside, with or without those name brand items, with or without that $100,000 home, with or without that luxury car that you can't afford to put gas in. A well dressed pig is still a pig! Now, this doesn't mean you can't treat yourself when you have a little extra or invest in your dreams, but when you're spending money for others approval, that's when you're forcing it. Never determine your worth by how much money you have; money is not everything! And although you are not your bank account, but don't pretend to be someone else's either.
Appreciate what you have:
Solitude- A sound mind and true feelings that you are in control of, not controlling you.
Friends and family that you KNOW love you- A strong support system will always be beneficial, but if you have people apart of it that are not actually supporting you, expect the structure to begin to collapse.
Financial stability- "If your bills are paid, your fridge is full, and your wallet is empty- you are not broke, you're doing just fine." Understand what's important and what's not when it comes to spending your money; it could save you from a lifetime of trouble.
Put this on your Grocery List of things you will NOT do! Forcing yourself to feel, spend, or befriend outside of a healthy or comfortable zone can be detrimental!
Indulge in what is meant for you; what fits YOU!
xo, BLT