I love how when you first meet someone and y'all have that first conversation filled with nothing but questions and curiosity. Just back and forth- what's your favorite color?, what's your favorite food?, when's your birthday?...and so on! You know what I'm talking about! That conversation is so refreshing because it's nice to know that someone is genuinely, or appears to be, interested in who you are. That first Q and A session could make or break a possible relationship! You don't want to ask certain questions to soon. You don't want to scare him away with certain responses. You don't want your interest to come off as prying. You just have to play it cool! As long as you remain honest, interested, calm, and respectful it shouldn't be a huge problem. Unless you're like me and there is just one question that always trips you up!
This question typically comes right after you've made the guy laugh a few times, paid him a compliment (men can't resist a compliment), or given him a smile that makes him melt! It comes after you do whatever it is you do that typically drives guys wild. He's beginning to realize that there may be something special about you, aside from your killer looks. Yet, no one has taken you off the market. Here it comes...
"So, why are you single?"
See, he may be asking you, but he has probably already made up in his mind that deep down beneath all this coolness he's getting right now, lies a crazy little beast just waiting to be unleashed! He just can't believe that someone as cool, or pretty, or funny, or charismatic, or whatever it is great that you are (because you are great), is still single! Typically, I just shrug the question off with a nonchalant "I don't know", because no matter how many times I get the question, it still throws me off. But I'm beginning to think that that answer is probably only adding fuel to the "crazy" idea in his head.
I decided that I would no longer let this question defeat me! So I thought about it and realized that I do know why I am single! At one point or another, these were the reasons why I wasn't in a relationship. Here are answers that I should have used and that maybe can come in handy for you!
1. "I'm just focusing on myself."- This could mean you are focusing on school, a career, a relationship with God, enjoying life, growth, raising children, - whatever it is that has the majority of your attention, attention that you are not willing to give to a relationship. For me it is kind of all of the above, besides the raising children. I want to be the best me possible for my future partner. I don't want to go into a relationship with insecurities, jealousy, or issues that I need to deal with on my own; there are just certain things that a man or relationship cannot fix, so the single life is what's best! This answer is like saying you are choosing to be single, but in a proud "I'm not ashamed" way. Usually if you are focusing on you, genuinely focusing on you (not to be confused with "doing you", which is what people say when they want to be free to flirt a little or lot), that leaves little time to devote to someone else; be prepared for this answer to give an underlying "back off".
2. "None of my past relationships have gone where I wanted them to." Yes, this is a obvious answer, but sometimes it just needs to be acknowledged. Say it out loud, admit that you're not perfect, that you've had some things go wrong, that life happened. What we thought was forever ended up being for some months. This is probably the top reason that people are single. Someone checked out of the relationship early, for whatever reason. No need to include all the details of this situation just yet. They will understand what this means, because most likely this is why they are single as well, or at least one of their reasons.
3. "The lifestyle I live and the man I'm attracted to don't add up." This is the nice way of saying that either you do not have good taste in men or are not focusing on the right aspect of a man. For me, it is a little of both. For one, I like thugs or guys with a hard exterior, yet I am probably one of the most sensitive people ever! I know, it makes no sense to like someone that could hurt my feelings with just a look, but I do! But, see, I know this about myself and I am working on it! So what kind of guy do you like, that you shouldn't? And why do you like them? For me, I like thuggish guys because of the muscles, tattoos, and the mean look on their face. But I also like the idea of being the only person with the ability to breakthrough that hard exterior. None of those are genuine reasons to pursue a relationship with someone, so until I grow up and focus on true matters, I will be single.
4. "I don't know what I want, so I am waiting on what I need." On top of having bad taste and misplaced priorities, I'm not really sure of what I want. My type of guy changes depending on my mood, the music I'm listening to, or what I'm watching on TV. In an hour I could go from wanting an athletic guy, to a businessman, to a deacon, and end up at Waka Flocka. It's crazy! So I figure, with so much unsure-ness, it's best that he finds me! If I am pursued then I would hope that the guy is sent to me, meaning he is what I need and I am what he needs. IF the guy you're talking to his smart, he will see this as his hint to pursue, pursue, pursue! Use this answer with caution.
5. "I don't really know how to have a boyfriend/ be a good girlfriend." This answer is a bit blunt, but it's the truth. You just gotta hope that he can appreciate your honesty and not hold it against you. If you've never done something, you usually won't know how to do it. Practice makes perfect. So, if you have never had a successful relationship or been someones girlfriend, you may not know how to do so. That's okay. You just need the right person to be patient and show you. Previous relationships may have been lacking in understanding, expectations of perfection, or you were expecting to not have to put forth any effort. Either way, it was a learning experience that you hopefully grew from. Being someones significant other means providing what they are lacking in life, which could be a LOT of things. You just have to learn the person in order to learn how to be their girl. I used to stress this one. Not anymore. I believe it will come naturally when it's with the right person.
6. "I am in fact crazy." Don't say this one out loud, even if he does appreciate the truth; somethings are better left as a surprise. Let him find out you're crazy wayyyyy after that first Q&A, like when you all are married or something. You may be high maintenance, have trust issues, have a not so good rep, etc. The list can go on- but it all comes off as "She's crazy bruh", so no point in trying to break them down into multiple answers. If this is your truth, deal with it! Reflect on who you are, make the necessary changes, and get some sanity!
So, the next time you're asked this question, should you run down this entire little list to him? I will leave that decision up to you! Personally, I think that may be a little much, but it is your truth so you can do with it what you please. I would just reply with "This is where life has put me." (or send him the link to this post LOL!) because that is still the truth. Eventually, if he is worth it, then the in-depth answers will be revealed, accepted, and you may never have to answer that dreadful question again!
Indulge in understanding your single life!
xo, BLT