"Don't just fit in; make it a point to brighten your corner. Decide to resolve your challenges"
Israelmore Ayivor
Let's start here: living at home at in your twenties is hard as hell.
Sometimes, it is hell.
You're fighting to protect this mental sense of adulthood, while being physically surrounded by your childhood.
It's weird being uncomfortable in a place that's supposed to provide the ultimate comfort.
It's like...
It's like...
It's like living in a box.
A box with no rent, but all the amenities you need and want.
A box with a built in human alarm clock, when you forget to set yours.
A box with a fridge and pantry full of all your favorites, especially the ones you don't need.
A box with the occasional Sunday dinner, followed my a good ol itis nap.
A box with a lot of care, even when you don't want to receive it and cease to appreciate it.
A loving box, but still a box.
My box started to get old about a year and a half into my stay.
No matter how much rearranging, cleaning out, or redecorating I did...the comfort never came.
Instead I became content.
I was okay with where I was, but not at peace.
Until I found a few corners.
Literally and figuratively.
I've found some of my favorite places to go and they don't require me to go far.
One corner by my bedroom window.
One corner by the front door of my house.
One corner right at the edge of the garage.
My corners are small in size, but grand in theory.
Yes, this may sound cliche or weird or just stupid, but for me it's peaceful and that's all that matters.
I can think. I can create. I can plan. I can be comfortable, even if it's only for a little while.
One thing I love about God is His methods of communication.
It can be unconventional and unusual, but the message is still delivered.
Whether we acknowledge it or not is our own choice, but the voice, the direction, the love, the words-its always present.
God spoke to me in this little corner.
He showed me that my corners not only can give me peace, but they can also give me access.
Access to ways out.
Ironic? I don't think. Purposeful? Absolutely.
I don't think God does anything by accident or by coincidence.
To know His thoughts is impossible, but I do know how He makes me feel.
And right now, even in the midst of my daily discomfort, I feel hopeful.
He has given me patience in my corners.
Patience with myself as I prepare for the next step; patience with my mother as she learns to let go; and patience with my situation, as it wont always be this way.
He has given me faith in my corners.
Faith in Him; faith in His plan; faith in His timing.
He has given me my corners for growth.
Just like with the box, the corners are beginning to get old.
I'm beginning to get restless.
Mentally and spiritually, I'm ready to leave home, but physically I am very nervous.
I don't know where I should move.
I've never lived alone.
And the 'what if's' that come with stepping outside of your comfort zone try to rob me of my peace on a daily basis.
But nevertheless, my corners will always be here, even if I'm not.
God gave them to me for a reason and I will use these until He gives me more.
Corners that once granted peace and contentment, now provide confidence; for that I am grateful.
peace in all your corners, beautiful people!
xo
BLT